The Long-Awaited Ugly Bridesmaids' Dress Contest
Not coming to a reception near you
Okay, it's Saturday night, and I'm supposed to be getting some work done. However, I can't get in to the remote system that I have to, and IT at work doesn't have live callings until 4 PM tomorrow. As a result, I got some laundry done, slept excessivley, and decided to catch up on some of my long-promised blog threads.
So, without further ado, let me announce:
THE NEWSBLOG FIRST UGLY BRIDESMAIDS DRESS CONTEST
Yes, folks, it's the end of summer, and many of us have gone to at least one wedding. Now, one universal issue that most ladies have is knowing what to wear--if it's a daytime wedding, one worries if what one has is "too formal," while fancy-schmancy evening weddings can often mean many pained hours of shoppinig for something "dressy" that one will actually wear more than once.
Of course, best men and bridesmaids have the choice of what they are wearing made for them. For the guys, it's usually just some variation on gaudy cummerbund-and-tie sets on a tux, although I've seen wedding pix of a full groomsmen's party in kilts (a choice which was made apparently without any consideration for the participants' age, body weight, or race). However, this kind of cruell and unusual treatment is usually only reserved for the ladies.
In the US anyway, bridesmaids can sometimes get off easy, and are only asked to wear a dress of a certain type or color (ie "strapless black, long skirt" or "dove grey, any cut."). However, most weddings are more along the lines of what my best friend from college, B., has attended over the past 10 years.
B. is D.A.R. out of Boston, has a BA and her PhD in advanced logic mathamatics, and has gone to an average of 4 weddings a year since graduating college--a number that has slowed down only in the past year or so as her last few holdout friends and neighbors tie the knot. In many of these, she has been a bridesmaid. In all but one of these, she has had to endure the dreaded Bridesmaids Dress. B. is also rather tall--almost 6 feet--and very buxom. Almost nothig "off the rack" fits her. Fortunatley, she's also a skilled seamstress (everyone in her family, including her dad and two brothers, sews), and can do most of her own alterations. Nevertheless, she winds up spending upwards of at least a grand most years for dresses that she knows she will likely never wear again--most so hideous that she can't even shorten them, de-trim them, or otherwise salvage them for any kind of later use.
Now, B. has friends and neighbors that have been through this also. So, one day, she actually had an Ugly Bridesmaids Dress Tea. Five of her best galpals got together and wore their ugliest bridesmaids dresses for a boozy midafternoon tea party. Entries included a tiny-floral-print, toga-style sateen number that would make Kate Moss look ready for gastric bypass surgery, and a magenta off-the-shoulder mass of ruffles that looked like either something a drag queen imitating Carmen Miranda would wear, or a giant ruffled sea slug intent on devouring the wearer. No door prize was offered, but she may hold another one with either a "how to sew" book or a gift certificate to a local clothing retailer up for grabs.
And now, for The Rules:
First and Most Important: This contest is done without any guarantees of its completion, or of any prize being actually delivered. The News Blog does not accept any responsibility for any damages, real or imagined, caused by anyone sending in their picture or our use of it. All entries will be considered as bona fide and sent in in good faith. The News Blog reserves the right to cancel, change, or withdraw this contest at any time. All pictures sent to The News Blog become the property of The News Blog. Entries may be posted on The News Blog by News Blog staff. All entrants shall indemnify and hold harmless The News Blog for any damages arising from The News Blog's soliciting, receiving, or use of any contest materials by entrants. The News Blog cannot and will not verify the identity of any sender or persons shown in any pictures entered. The News Blog offers this contest for entertainment purposes only. In other words, everyone chill out and have fun here, and nobody be a jerk and send in pix of folks that people may not want to see on the Web. If you do, it's not our problem; we're not mindreaders. If your picture winds up in our Inbox and you didn't send it, we're sorry--take it up with your new ex-friend but don't call us.
By submitting a picture to this contest, participants warrant that they have read and understood all of the rules of this contest, that they have permission from all parties concerned to send in said picture, and that they understand that said picture may appear on the News Blog or on a survey sub-site created by The News Blog as part of the contest.
All pictures must be sent in as attachments to an e-mail, and must be in either a GIF or JPEG format. If you feel especially angelic, you will pre-format it for the Web. All must be under 1 meg, and should actually be substantially smaller. Anything really big that clogs our contest inbox may be deleted without being viewed.
Be sure to include a valid return e-mail address in the event that you are the winner.
It is highly suggested that you block out any faces if you don't want it plastered up here for the world to see in the event that you're a finalist. However, once you send it in, The News Blog will NOT doctor pix for you. Send it out only if you want the world to potentially see it as-is.
It is also highly recommended that you be the person wearing the dress in the picture--no fair raiding your relative's wedding pix for material. Guys, if you are daring, we WILL accept pix of you wearing the dress, even if you didn't wear it to the wedding. However, this is not a Drag Thing--it's not about you, it's about the dress.
Feel free to also include in your e-mail an explanation of the wedding, and why your dress is Especially Hideous.
Oh yeah, what you've all been waiting for: The winner may receive $50, either in the form of a money order, a gift certificate, or a PayPal payment. Foreign entrants are welcome, but the final cash value will be $50 US dollars in value, as per the exchange rate of whatever day we get off our butts and send out the prize item.
All entries must be emailed to: jenblog-dresscontest at usa.net <---obviously, replace the "at" with "@" and close up the spaces.
All entries must be received by October 31st, 2005. The winner will be selected either by The News Blog staff, or possibly by a group vote depending upon the number of entries received and/or the motivational levels of The News Blog staff.
The winner will be announced by November 30th, 2005, and probably substantially earlier if we aren't too busy.
Having said that, have fun and let the horror show begin!
Oh, and as a postcript: My friend B. finally tied the knot a few years ago. It was a sensible wedding with 50 guests at a small historical inn in Massachusetts. Her Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids all wore different dresses, with the only requirement that they be light tan, beige, or peach, cut with a long skirt, and of a somewhat drapey material. Everyone looked wonderful in their choices. B. bought a wedding dress at a huge warehouse in Texas (where she last taught), and did the final trimming herself. As a result, she didn't spend enough to buy a small car on her dress and she still looked radiant. We look forward to seeing what you send us! Watch this area. We may repost this periodically to remind y'all. --Jen
posted by Jenonymous @ 12:00:00 PM
