Dear Times editors
I wish we could be like this forever
Actually, Giuliani was dick deep in his then communications director, the sales lady was her replacement
c/o New York Times-Enquirer Open Letter to "Big Staff Man" and Reporter
Dear Mr. Patrick Healey,
Now that you've covered the sex lives of Hillary and Bill Clinton with a front page story in the New York Times, would you please dig into the sex lives of your boss, Bill Keller, the Times' Executive Editor, or the Washington Post's media maven, Howie Kurtz, or its lecherous old pundit and political palaverer, David Broder, all of whom stroked your Page 6 story into premature prominence.
Or better yet, the secret sex life of George W. Bush!
Has he always been heterosexual? Didn't he do a little walk on the wild side when he was younger, at Yale (check cheerleading, gay roommate, Skull and Bones, and Deke the drinking fraternity with sado-masochistic hazing like branding bare bottoms with hot irons or pouring honey and salsa into the initiates' butts)? Didn't he do some time at a faith-based clinic to "cure" him of his wayward ways before he married Laura? And is he completely "cured"? Look at the way he walks and talks even now? Have you ever seen a real man's man have such an obsession with fondling bald men's heads? What's that mean? Why does he surround himself with men who are clearly homosexual like Ken Mehlman and Jeff Gannon or of "dubious sexuality" like Scott McClellan and Karl Rove? What kind of sex do you think George W. and Pickles have? Robotic? Stepford like? What's she like off medication anyway? Enquiring minds want to know.
And if you want to talk about politics and sex, you really should look into John McCain and his wives (divorcing the loyal first one after getting out of prisoner-of-war camp to marry the rich, pill-addicted beer heiress just in time to go into politics) or Rudy Giuliani (who married his cousin -- unusual outside of Appalachia -- then divorced her to marry beautiful newscaster Donna Hanover -- and then announced their separation on television without first informing his children or his wife -- who had, by the way, just found Rudy dick-deep into his pharmaceutical saleslady/ mistress at the Mayor's office on Father's Day).
If this is the sauce you're going to pour over the Clintons and other Democratic candidates, how about cooking a little puree of Republican, too? You know that despite outward appearances, Republicans are a lot kinkier bunch than Democrats. They repress themselves (and others) so much that when it oozes out or spurts out under pressure, it's likely to be more fetishistic, more about sadism and domination, and, basically, more twisted.
Rush Limbaugh has his "hillbilly heroin" addiction. O'Reilly likes to talk dirty and caress naked women over phones with imaginary "falafels". And did you hear that when Chris "Tweety" Matthews lived in San Francisco he frequented a "Pre-op Tranny bar called the Black Rose"?.
Who knows what we'll find out about the sex lives of Bill Keller or Howie Kurtz or even the old goat and grandee of the Beltway, David Broder. However, I'm not sure I want to see the pictures.
Just know that you're not safe if you continue to fluff for the Republicans. You'll be caught up in their flotsam and drown in their jism.
posted by Steve @ 10:16:00 AM