It's not like on TV

When they remodel your kitchen


You know, when they remodel your kitchen, it isn't ANYTHING like HGTV
. Nothing like it. I'm living out of a fucking cooler and eating out every day, for at least the next week.

Talk about frustrating. Fuck. And everything from the kitchen has to go somewhere, read living room.

Frustrating as hell.

So let me talk about 10 things which annoy me other than kitchen remodeling


1) Forex commercials

You're going to do what most pros can't. Make money trading currency. Jesus christ, people lose their shirts in currency dealing. Every fucking Saturday, you see these people being told that they can make quick profits in dealing currency if they just use this program. OK, so what about the people who lose their money?

Now, they have an options program. Oh my God, options? Trading fucking options? From home?

Here's a hint: if it was easy to make money on Wall Street, why would they tell you

2)Women who read "He's just not that into you" and miss the point

It's about every commitment phobic asshole you date. Not someone else. If a guy isn't beating a path to become best friends with your pussy, if work is tying him up and he's not a lawyer about to try Darryl Littlejohn or seperate twins, he isn't that in to you. Men don't make excuses when sex is in the offing. If you hear them, please, please fucking move on.

The corollary: if you don't meet his friends, he's trying to hide you. Most men want his friends to know there is a woman in his life. If he doesn't, you don't need to be there.

3) Men who make up lists for their wives

There is a subspecies of man who expects his wife to cook, clean and obey his rules. It's 2006. If you find a woman that stupid, she won't remain that stupid for long. Grandpa may have done it that way, but you ain't grandpa

4) Newspapers who whine about Craigslist

It isn't Craig Newmark's fault he figures out a way to get something done you can't. Whining about that makes you look stupid. Classified was like hunting farm raised animals until he figured out a way to do thing cheap and quick. Adapt or die.

5) People who hate soccer

I'm watching Olbermann and he's showing some guy on a tricycle with soccer ball wheels and saying "this is the best thing you can do with a soccer ball".

Jesus fucking christ. When most people watch a game, it's not baseball. Even if you could give a shit about sports or even soccer, buy a fucking clue. This is the world's most lucrative and predominant form of entertainment. FIFA is the largest NGO after the UN in terms of influence, the IOC is a footnote and the ICRC affects fewer people. Soccer clubs have the highest brand name recognition in the world for an entertainment product.

When you say soccer, you're not just talking about sport, but money, gobs of it. In the United States, it's the predominant sport for kids and has been for two decades. Baseball is being rejected as a sport in Latin America because the realization that soccer can provide more money, like the Cubans finally figured out. Being clueless about the business aspect of soccer is like not understanding the US has shitty cellphone service while covering communications.

The current face of baseball is an unpleasant, steroid abusing freak, and a faltering US national team.

Here's a hint, Olbermann is gonna look like a fucking idiot knocking soccer this summer. Not looking like an idiot might, just might be wise.

6) Chickenhawks

All I have to say is www.marines.com, www.goarmy.com. And the first in line should be PNAC's bitch Peter Beinart. You think war is so much fun, join the team and stop the cheerleading

7) Good News from Iraq

There is none. OK.

Imagine if oh, 30 crips and 30 bloods were found beheaded in MacArthur Park and the 405 had an IED explosion every day, and going down Crenshaw meant answering to throwback jersey kids armed with M-4 rifles.

Good news would be hard to find.

The fact is that Iraq is only safe for people in a gang militia. Everyone else is fair game. I don't care how many schools you build, people live in fear of going to the market. And if people don't feel safe, they won't care about anything else.

8) Gay adoption paranoia

Look, they won't make the kids faggots ok. Worst they should be left in the hands of the Catholic Church. You can't hate blacks any longer in the open, now you hate gays. Fuck you. But then so many of you people are in the clerical closet, which goes way beyond Rome, if your shit came to light, people would hate you as well.

9) Les Moonves

The President of CBS is an asshole. Always has been. Tossed Dan Rather out like a too-old stripper, now sues Howard Stern in a fit of bitch-like jealousy. Oh yeah, I couldn't say that David Lee Roth sucks, since I don't listen to terrestrial radio anymore, but I'll quote Jen here.

"He's just another lame, middle class white guy. Why the fuck didn't they plan to get someone talented."

Best $13 I spend a month.

10) Stage Parents

If mass neutering could be made legal, anyone who thinks their child is going to be a TV star should be included. I saw this one family, headed by what could charitably be seen as a lunatic, who moved his family to New York, and thought at 42 his family would be the new Von Trapps, after bullying his wife and he would be a star. Oh yeah, the kids hated it

Then you see these moms parading their six year olds in more makeup than any woman I've known and Jen wears makeup to work every day, but she's a lawyer, not a porn star. I mean, these girls are a pedos dream, more made up than a teen miss, with their pudgy moms loving the attention. It's scary sick. But not the worst.

Then you have the delusional mothers who let their teen girls take money and pose for men online, thinking they can be models. I don't think I'd want my daughter taking money from horny bastards on the internet. Oh, wear the school girl outfit and here's some money, is um, fucking sick. Ford and Elite will not be calling you. They don't look at those sites, they look at headshots.

But my favorite are the gym moms. This one woman had her son doing routines with her daughter WAY past the time he wouldn't get his ass kicked for it in school. Another had her son doing gynmastics when he didn't want to do it, and the idiot father wouldn't stand his ground on this. Lucky he was seven, because he could quit now and not be abused in school. Elementary school can be a cruel place.

When you hear the stories of how these kids are fucked up later in life, you realize it's the parent's unfulfilled dreams driving a lot of this crap.

I'm so glad my sisters are indifferent to their children's hobbies. One may play college in basketball, I think she's been to a couple of games where she stayed away. My niece likes art with no prompting from her mother. Much easier for all concerned.

posted by Steve @ 10:28:00 AM