Who's your daddy?
Yankees, meet your new daddy, Johnny Damon
Record-Breaking Red Sox Clinch World Series Berth
NEW YORK -- In hindsight, perhaps it was a mistake for the Yankees to raise a "Mission Accomplished" banner above their dugout after Game 3.
After more than 80 years of being stuffed into their lockers by the Yankees, after eight decades of receiving atomic wedgies, after generations of walking around with big "Kick Me'' signs on their backs and most importantly, after completing the most extraordinary comeback in baseball history, the Boston Red Sox have finally overcome their hated nemesis to reach the World Series, routing New York 10-3 in Game 7 Wednesday night at Yankee Stadium.
Grady Little, you can show your face in Boston again. Mike Torrez, you're forgiven. Don Zimmer, you're off the hook. Tex Hughson and Joe McCarthy, you don't have to worry about graffiti on your tombstones anymore.
As for you, Bill Buckner, well, you'll just have to wait and see whether the Red Sox can beat Houston or St. Louis before you can be absolved of your sin.
For generations, Boston fans have spent their winters cursing the Yankees and wondering "what if?'' What if Grady hadn't stayed too long with Pedro Martinez? What if Torrez hadn't given up the home run to Bucky Dent? What if the Red Sox had won one of those two final games against the Yankees in 1949? And the big one, what if they hadn't traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees?
There should be no such disturbing thoughts about the Yankees this winter. Well, other than on talk radio.
This winter, even if they lose the World Series, Boston fans can take solace in the sweet knowledge that their team somehow pulled off something truly historic, something unprecedented. In the previous 100 postseasons, no team had ever fallen behind 3-0 in a series and rallied to force a seventh game, let alone win it. The Red Sox not only did both, they crushed the Yankees, beating them with a pitcher who required sutures in his ankle in Game 6 and then routing them in a finale that was never close
Ah, as Tom Petty once said, sometimes even the losers have to win.
First, a hearty congradulations to Red Sox Nation. Curse? There is no curse any more. That motherfucker got pounded to death tonight by Johnny Damon. Win or lose, the curse is history. Beating the Yankees in their house, with those stupid, sad faces, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a way to bring joy into a man's life.
The Yankees looked like little princelings having their favorite horse stolen. Why couldn't daddy stop it. Oh, my, it's so painful. Their pouts are so sad, so heartbroken. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Well, your new daddy just beat your ass for being a spoiled punk. A scruffy sort isn't he?
Your New Daddy with his friends
Second, the Yankees choked like an anaconda eating a sheep. They fell the fuck apart. I mean just collapsed like a Trabant's transmission. The Yankees were up 3-0 and lost. And the last two games? A righteous asskicking.
And the team absolutely deserved it. A more arrogant team you cannot find. And the news is absolutely hillarious. You would think the Brooklyn Bridge collapsed into the East River. My God, how could they lose to the Red Sox.
They didn't just lose, they got their asses beat stupid.
Recently, the idiot Yankee fans started calling themselves the evil empire. Well, looks like the Death Star just blew the fuck up. Didn't they get the point that you must harness the Force for good? Stupid fucks.
I bet that Babe Ruth, in that masoleum in Center Field, is spinning in his well appointed grave.
One spinnin' motherfucker
And of course, that selfish prick Joe DiMaggio is twirling along
Spin, Joe spin
Mickey Mantle couldn't make it, but he sent a friend
This is a very, very good day. And all those smug Yankee fans will have to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down as Derek Jeter takes his latest Dominican girlfriend on vacation. Schadenfeude is the wrong word, that belongs to O'Reilly, who I bet is a loud mouthed Yankee fan. It's more like, well, watching the Death Star blow up at the end of Star Wars. Proof that a little scruffiness never harmed anyone who was willing to do some hard work.
As we sleep the sleep of the contented, we will leave you with this thought:
Fuck the fucking Yankees.
posted by Steve @ 1:45:00 AM