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Comments by YACCS
Wednesday, December 06, 2006

A selfish act

Jenna Hatfield, center back, holds her 1-year-old
son Nicholas, while her biological daughter Ariana,
center front, smiles, at her home on Friday, Nov. 17
in Cambridge, Ohio. At left is Hatfield’s husband,
Joey and next to Ariana, right, is her adoptive mother
Denise Loss and Loss’s son, Joey, 1.


Jenna Hatfield, 25, of Cambridge, Ohio, said she got little insightful counseling before she agreed three years ago to the adoption of her daughter, Ariana, by a couple from Pennsylvania.

“My agency did not tell me until a month after I signed the agreement that open adoptions are not enforceable in Pennsylvania,” Hatfield said.

She said she has been fortunate in befriending the adoptive parents; they regularly bring Ariana to visit Hatfield, who is now married and has a 1-year-old son.

“Thus far it’s worked very well for me — just a couple of bumps,” Hatfield said. “But unless both sides are willing to put in the legwork, there are going to be problems, and they’d need counseling to help them meet in the middle.”

One problem cited in the report is a shortage of mental health professionals trained to understand the grief and loss experienced by birth mothers.

The report said birth mothers’ chances of achieving peace of mind are greatest if they are able to keep in contact with the adopted children, or get continuing information about them.

“Mothers after childbirth are in a very vulnerable state,” Smith said. “We need laws and practices that protect their rights and interests.”

How much you wanna bet that Ariana's gonna have issues when she grows up.

Why? Because her mommy gave her away, got married and had a baby. She wasn't valued enough to be kept. And then, selfish mommy rubs it in her face to feel better

Let me ask a question, how would you feel if your mommy gave you away and kept your brother. Then add on race to that? How fair is that to the child as she grows older?

No, I don't have any kids, but my best friend was adopted and raised by his aunt, after being kicked around for a while. And it was never a smooth relationship with his parents. Never.

The mother should have let the child grow into her new family, let her develop an identity, then enter her life.

But instead, she sees mommy, and daddy and the little brother, and she's not part of it. And while it isn't a big deal at three, try being 12. And already isolated by being raised by white parents. One day, she's gonna realize that her mother gave her away and kept her brother. And that she's black and he's white. And that her self-esteem will nosedive.

It is hard enough to be black or any minority in America, where you are constantly told what the norm is, which is not you. Then toss on that rejection, the most personal rejection possible, on top of that. And no matter how you put it, that girl will think she was rejected for being black.

I'm not against adoption or interracial adoption, but this is cruel and it will only grow in cruelty. Why? Because as she tries to find her place in the world, she will know, internalize, that her mommy didn't love her enough to keep her.

Yes, you can say she loved her enough to give her a good home, but then she tosses it in the kid's face that she didn't make the cut. And the adoptive mother goes along with this, not realizing the problems which are coming for her.

I'm not saying she shouldn't know her birth family, she should, but in this case, open adoption isn't the way I would do it, because I know what feeling are coming. I can't imagine dealing with that kind of personal rejection on top of race.

posted by Steve @ 12:32:00 AM

12:32:00 AM

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