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Comments by YACCS
Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Yeah, someone actually believes this

I have really big brass balls, look at them

I thought my wife wouldn't mind if I fooled around a little

This whole thing started out innocently enough, until we all became friends!

By Cary Tennis

Oct. 24, 2006 | Dear Cary,

My wife and I have been married just over two years, and we dated -- lived together, actually -- for seven years before that. We're each other's best friends, confidants, lovers. We've had a myriad of "interesting" sexual encounters -- usually together but occasionally alone. We just bought a house, we're pregnant with our second child, we have good jobs and our lives are just about perfect.

But I have a problem. At a friendly weekend get-together last month, I made out with an acquaintance of ours. The morning after, I told my wife about it and she was amused more than anything. We laughed it off because we both thought it was a spur-of-the-moment, one-time thing.

That turned out to be wrong. Since "the incident," the three of us have become friends, although "the other woman" and I are somewhat closer than she and my wife. We did sleep together one other time, a couple of weeks after the first encounter, and at the time, we both thought my wife would be OK with it, but she wasn't. She didn't blame the woman, just me, and I certainly see that -- I should have known better than to give in to my urges and should have been more responsible. I keep thinking that if I'd handled the situation differently, things might be different now.

According to my wife, she'd have no trouble with my sleeping with the woman if we weren't friends -- if it were just sex, in other words. She's afraid that the physical intimacy, coupled with the emotional intimacy of friendship, would break the bond between us (my wife and I) She doesn't realize that the emotional and practical bonds holding me to her are unbreakable. But I don't blame her for feeling the way she does.

As for "the other woman," she's younger than we are by a few years, has no responsibilities to anyone else and is a really "free spirit" -- and something in me responds to that, no doubt because my life is full of new responsibilities. I can't say that I'm in love with her; we have great conversations and we're natural with each other. Call it infatuation -- the "newness" factor, which is something that, after nine years of our being together, is missing from my relationship with my wife.

I know this is a classic tale -- the man with the wife and kids meets the young vivacious woman who seems inexplicably taken with him, and he's thrown into a whirlwind of passion and confusion and ... I'm starting to sound like a trailer for a bad romantic comedy, and in truth, I feel like I'm stuck in one. I know I should just get over it and treasure it for what it was and move on. But I'm having trouble doing that.


Not Moving On

Ok, it's just one side of the story, but how many of you know wives who would be cool with this. My bet, the wife is scared shitless of being left with two kids and no income. This sounds like something from academia, so everyone knows everyone.

Why would she be ok with you cheating on her when she's pregnant? Why? Because she's cool? Nah. No one is that cool.

I wouldn't want a woman in my life who would be cool with me cheating on her when she was pregnant.

I would pay to see the wife discuss this with her friends. Because while it is detached, and rational, I don't think the woman sees it in these terms. And what kind of friend would fuck your husband, someone with zero regard for you, zero.

I think women aren't stupid, they know the women you're interested in and the ones you aren't. I'm not married, but I sure as shit wouldn't fuck mutual friends with a partner. I think the wife is hoping this passes, so she can keep her marriage, and if that means smiling at a woman she'd probably like to hit with a bat like Tony Soprano, then she'll put up with it.

But make no mistake, it's selfish.

And he's also confusing, I guess, threesomes or outside sex with an affair. What was once mutual is anything but. she's got the kids and the marriage and he's fucking someone who's been in their home as a friend.

And he wonders why his wife isn't cool with this.

posted by Steve @ 11:42:00 AM

11:42:00 AM

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