Steve and Jen bring you this daily review of the news
Premium Advertiser

News Blog Sponsors

News Links

BBC World Service
The Guardian
Washington Post
Iraq Order of Battle
NY Times
LA Times
ABC News

Blogs We Like

Daily Kos
Digby's Blog
Operation Yellow Elephant
Iraq Casualty Count
Media Matters
Talking Points
Defense Tech
Intel Dump
Soldiers for the Truth
Margaret Cho
Juan Cole
Just a Bump in the Beltway
Baghdad Burning
Howard Stern
Michael Moore
James Wolcott
Cooking for Engineers
There is No Crisis
Whiskey Bar
Rude Pundit
Crooks and Liars
Amazin' Avenue
DC Media Girl
The Server Logs

Blogger Credits

Powered by Blogger

Archives by
Publication Date
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
Comments Credits
Comments by YACCS
Saturday, May 20, 2006

How to lose

And then the scary one-legged Taliban leader
jumped from behind a rock

This is from a Kos Diary

How To Guarantee Losing in 2006

I change my mind. Let's effing throw this game.

let's check out the list here, reverse the polarity, and set up a game plan for failure:

1. Use Crazy Talk. Crying "We're going to lose!", or "Americans are stupid racist thugs!", or "Bush will declare martial law!" is an electoral death sentence. That any of these statements may come to pass is not the point. The point is: Nobody wants the fearful, insecure, easily-excited person anywhere near the bright, shiny nuclear missiles, or anything of similar importance.

2. Be As Alien As You Possibly Can, in Dress, Manner of Speech, Agenda. Make the most radical, transformative, challenging agenda item you've got your core, all-or-nothing, my-way-or-the-highway election principle. Better still: Go head-to-head against the most uncontroversial, widely-accepted value of the opposition. After all, you are right and all those stupid racist thug Americans are wrong.

3. Lie. Dissemble. Evade. Do so lots. That way, you'll always get tripped up on details, the media will hound you nonstop, your opposition will pick you apart both for having bad stands, multiple stands, no stands at all.

4. Cater To Your Opponent's Base. Make them want to vote for you, because you're almost as good as their candidates, by the criteria that are important to the opposition. Challenge your own base, with declarations of their error, and your rectitude, and how they should either vote for you or you'll go hang out with your new friends on the opposing team, that is, if they'll let you hang out with them.

5. What You Say You'll Do, Don't. Stick to speeches, and posturing, and declaring to all who still listen that Americans are stupid racist thugs but your base is a bunch of weak-kneed, insecure intellectuals. Do your job? Why? That would be either helping the thugs or the weenies, no matter what you do!

6. Be A Bad Guide. Stick to public policy issues that you know nothing about, insist (even throw tantrums) demanding that people follow your lead, and when some assent is given just to shut you up, lead the people into disaster, because doing the country a good turn either helps the opposition or your own base, neither of which you really like very much, nor they you.

7. Be A Pretender No matter how malicious your motives and pathetic your political chops (see above), be for all the world the verisimulitude of a great statesman and leader. Insist via your PR team that you are a great statesman and leader. Self-reference lots...but be sure to throw in that you think Americans are a bunch of stupid racist thugs but you stand with them against the weak-kneed insecure intellectuals that have taken over your own party.

8. Revel in the Backlash. Disregard polls. Abuse the base and the public will. The rejection of the multitude just shows how decisive and powerful and great a statesman you really are. If your base threatens a primary, end-run 'em, but fail to shut out the insurgency. If you lose the primary, threaten to run as an independent, or turn coat...that is, if the opposition will have you.

9. Be Feckless and Useless as An Agent of Entrenched Interests. Don't just take their money and support; take it, then do silly, useless things with it. Do so openly, to point out what a maverick you really are, beholden to none. Then go and ask for more money and support with even greater publicity. After all, you are a maverick. Your own person. 'Everybody' knows it.

10. Ignore Obvious Need To Change Yourself, or Your Game Plan Why change? That would be responding to the will of a bunch of stupid thugs or the advice of sissy elitists or the money of established interests. Just rock on, baby.

11. Flout Traditions, Even If You're Cool With Them Nothing applies to you, be different. Be insensate. Release your inner maverick. Insult everyone, especially your own voter and donor base, then demand their loyalty and support afresh.

12. Battle With the Voters. Just to make sure the scum get the message, let 'em know they're either racist thug dumbtards or weenie elitist geeks, one more time. They're wrong, you're right. After all, you're the maverick great statesman that stays the bad course, owes everyone, and pays back none. And Americans need to know they owe you some effing respect.

13. Allies are for Chumps. Undercut natural friends, alienate shared interests, leave an F-5 swath of political destruction wherever you go, because you're a maverick great statesman, and people need to give you your proper due.

Update: Normally, I figure people get the joke or the irony.

First, the list is a snarky rejoinder to bad politics, which you can see if you hit the link.

Second, if you read the post lower down, it directly contracts the ideas that writer suggested

What in God's name would make you take this seriously? Judging from the posts,people did, and for that, I am sorry. Because that's my failing as a writer and editor. I thought it was both clearly sardonic and funny. I guess I was wrong.

posted by Steve @ 10:27:00 AM

10:27:00 AM

The News Blog home page


Editorial Staff

Add to My AOL

Support The News Blog

Amazon Honor System Click Here to Pay Learn More
News Blog Food Blog
Visit the News Blog Food Blog
The News Blog Shops
Operation Yellow Elephant
Enlist, Young Republicans