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Comments by YACCS
Monday, April 17, 2006

The Eunuch Manifesto


What you need to lose to support the
Eunuch Manifesto


Tbogg sets the stage about the Euton Manifesto, a statement by the Vichy dems on why they love George Bush

We were liberals once and had dry pants

Expect the bedwetting set and their neocon overlords to attempt to make a big hoohah over the the Euston Manifesto for the next week or so.

What is the Euston Manifesto, you might rightly ask.

Well, since you asked so nicely, the Euston Manifesto grew out of a pub crawl where several "classical liberals", as they like to call themselves, discovered that they were held in eye-rolling contempt by some of their fellow leftists just because they thought it was a good idea to invade Iraq, kill its leader, and convert the people to a religion other than Muslimislamifarianism. In fact, they discovered that the liberals that they were at odds with had refused to trade in all of their deeply held beliefs on 9/12 for a new improved belief system that said it was okay to overlook a few minor discretions by their own government because other governments were, like, way badder. Worst of all, those same freedom-hating liberals got all of the media attention (and the hot chicks) and, in an egalitarian world, this simply could not be allowed to stand

Therefore the Euston Manifesto was born and, useful idiots rejoice!, you have just handed the rightwing a baseball bat (okay, a wiffle bat) to ineffectually whack unhinged moonbats over the head with... and you didn't even have to move to Vichy. No P├ętain stains in your underoos for you.
The Eunuch Manifesto

Some Vichyites came up with a "manifesto"

1) For democracy.
We like voting, but only when it doesn't elect people who oppose American hegemony. Bad Hamas, Bad Evo, Bad Hugo Chavez.

2) No apology for tyranny.
We don't like Iran, but we turn a blind eye to Iraqi death squads and Saudi torture rooms. Left dictatorships bad. US friendly dicatorships good. Boil away, President Karimov

3) Human rights for all.
Everyone but the people in Gitmo deserver human rights. We are willing to send as many other people children as possible to create a pro-Iranian theocracy in Iraq, while our kids play lacrosse and ride horses.

4) Equality.
We like women and unions, as long as they complain quietly.

5) Development for freedom.
Microsoft and McDonald's everywhere, but they need to pay more.

6) Opposing anti-Americanism.
Look, just because American foriegn policy has led to blooly wars and deposed governments, doesn't mean you should actively seek to stop US policies. Because we mean really well. Really we do. Just trust us.

7) For a two-state solution.
Maybe they can move the wall over. And they shouldn't have elected Hamas, bad Palestinian people.

8) Against racism.
The left has to stop hating the Jews, even if it's just a wacko fringe. The large, loud anti-semitic campaign from Fox on 'attacking Christmas" well, we don't have much to say on that. Only the left hates Jews, even when the right attacks them as destroying Christian holidays

9) United against terror.
We oppose brown people terror. When it comes from a B-2, A Ok. We find the Minutemen declasse. Car bombs, not cool, Shock and Awe, cool.

10) A new internationalism.
Actually, we're calling for a new interventionism, with other people's children. Die to prevent evil, while we send our kids to Harvard.

11) A critical openness.
Let's just accuse the left of defending terrorism, while we blindly support the destruction of Iraq. A once secular society, now increasingly run by religious fanatics is fine by us. Opposing this madness means you're supporting evil. Get it? Your death squads, bad, our death squads, good.

12) Historical truth.
The left and the commies, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. So what if we turn a blind eye to boiling people for Democracy. You liked the comnmies, you liked the commies.

13) Freedom of ideas.
We think people can offend Muslims because brown people just don't count. Europeans have every right to isolate and dengirate the brown people who dodn't toss their cultures aside while facing European racism. And just because the Europeans were too cowardly to open their societies, we can NEVER criticise them for that. Because brown people are always wrong.

14) Open source.
We don't pay to download music

15) A precious heritage.
We kinda like the modern world, and we'll really promote it during our wine and cheese parties. As long as no one has to protest or anything.

posted by Steve @ 10:34:00 AM

10:34:00 AM

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