Maybe it's me................
Cute, unlike her mother in law
My mother-in-law, my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law!
I would like to see a very bad thing happen to my mother-in-law.
By Cary Tennis
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Jan. 31, 2006 | Dear Cary,
My eight-year marriage has been to the perfect husband (12 years older), and has produced the perfect child. We are both emotionally and professionally fulfilled scientists. Our marriage is perfect, except for one thing -- my mother-in-law. I want her to die. Violently. Now. And I want her to see it coming.
My husband had a childhood the Cleavers would envy. Born to uneducated parents, he and his sister were loved and had an idyllic, sunny existence. I, however, was horribly abused by highly educated parents, hit, kicked and told I was hideous, worthless and unlovable. ............... Nevertheless, I wonder if my past colors the way I feel about my mother-in-law.
First, my mother-in-law initially irritated me with little things, like insisting that we invite 80 of her out-of-state friends (whom we didn't know) to our tiny wedding -- we didn't. Then the irritations became rudeness. For example, once during a work commute, news of a school shooting was broadcast on my radio. I phoned our home, where she was visiting, to ask her to turn on the TV and tell me what was going on. She knew my mom was a teacher in the school mentioned in the report, but she refused to go to the TV, saying that my father-in-law was watching something else. I had to wait until I got home an hour later to see the news myself. My mother was not shot, but people my family knew were killed.
Later, three days after my C-section, she and my father-in-law arrived, expecting a full Thanksgiving dinner to be hosted by me, tired and in pain. During this time, I got no sleep, could not bond with my child and had to be the maid, cook and entertainer.
Next, she visited uninvited on my first Mother's Day and took over, stealing my special day, insisting that attention be lavished on her. Often, when asked to pass my baby to me so that I could rock/feed/talk to her, she got upset or would simply ignore me. Many times she refused to hand my child to me at all.............She addresses our Christmas cards to Dr. and Mrs., although she knows I am a Ph.D., and she has been often corrected by my husband. She told everyone that we named our daughter after her, and when I told her that this wasn't true (it isn't), she became angry at me. Traditionally, when her feelings are hurt (by me, see instances above) she cries at mealtimes or gatherings, making everyone uncomfortable. And so on ... the petty list is long.
For the record, I am kind to her, honest and diplomatic, but when I speak the truth instead of pretending to be the sycophantic little woman who had no identity until I met her son, I am treated with derision and hostility. ........How do I cope?
Dear Invisible Daughter-in-Law,
I would venture to say, amateur pretend psychologist that I am, that yes, your childhood very likely has something to do with your feelings toward your mother-in-law. I would also say that the thing about mothers-in-law is that you cannot get rid of them and you cannot change them. So in spite of the litany of behaviors you cite, your only recourse is to change yourself.
No Cary, her mother-in-law is an ignorant, passive aggressive bitch. This has NOTHING to do with her abusive childhood or her feelings about herself.
I think it has to do with the fact that her mother in law has no, as in zero respect for her. The TV thing would have gotten them tossed from MY house. There may be cultural issues here as well, but honestly, she treats the daughter in law like shit and her husband doesn't back her up. If my mother showed up to my house looking for a Thanksgiving dinner after my wife had a C-Section, directions to the nearest restaurant would be provided if I wasn't cooking.
The woman makes her disrespect open and pronounced and the wife suffers it and the husband allows it.
posted by Steve @ 11:02:00 AM