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Saturday, January 14, 2006

The loneliness of the Keyboard Kommando


A gathering of Republicans

After reading Jim Wolcott's beatdown of the folks at Ass Clown Media, I started to wonder who these people are and what bothered me about their approach to politics.

Then I thought back to high school and realized that all of the proto-Republicans were guys, nerds, who were physically slight, not fat, and had even less hope of getting laid than I and my friends did.

They weren't popular or funny or even pleasant to be around. They were, for lack of a better word, schmucks.

Now, years later, these guys like the NRO staff, talk tougher than a room of SEALs trying to impress Vegas showgirls. They want to hang and kill traitors, confront liberals. Now, I laugh, because I'd bet that these people haven't ever been in a fist fight in their lives. I mean, Jonah Goldberg went to a girl's college for God's sake, and couldn't get laid there. In fact, if you asked, they'd probably find him repellent. He probably didn't even make female friends.

LGF is a collection of losers, the creepy guys at work, the people in the Star Trek club, the guys who can't get a date, even on Match.com. The ones that call themselves nice guys and talk about women as if the Handmaid's Tale was a liberal treatise, who worship at the alter of Kim Du Toit. They vent their anger online.

As a black guy, you learn to size these folks up quickly. They may whisper nigger under their breath, but when confronted, they run like little girls. You know they're punks.

Fumento, who was just busted by Scripps Howard for taking payola from Monsanto, is one of those guys. He talks sneeringly of Wolcott, knowing if Jim even looked at him hard, he'd piss his pants.

These guys are conflicted. They don't have any personal courage. They know they're suppsoed to, but they cringe at the idea of confrontation. But they create this image of machismo which makes people laugh.

Ever seen a Freeper rally? You could wet one with a few water balloons. No, Freeperland is for the frustrated Wal-Mart manager with the cheating wife and fat kids. He rails against the world. LGF is the junior loser version.

Instead of sucking up to the jocks, they want to suck up to people in power. So they worship Bush, not because they agree with him, but because they need that power in their powerless life. They feel stomped on by everyone, but they feel like big men online or in their little chickenhawk rallies.

They think liberals are these weed smoking 1960's rejects and who cringe at any possible physical confrontation. Come on, Ann Coulter cries when people toss shit at her, Goldberg? Stupid fat coward. If you slapped him in the face, he'd run like the punk bitch that he is. He's too goddamn stupid to avoid confronting Wolcott and Juan Cole and being humiliated in the process.
The women are even worse. Ann Althouse is comically foolish and gutless as well. Malkin, besides being a racist, has been accused of having her husband write her incomprenshible columns. Atlas Shrugged, besides rubbing her tits on losers like Glenn Reynolds, also writes badly and filled with hate. You know, I don't like Muslim terrorists either, but I certainly don't want to kill a bunch of kids to make me feel better.

LaShawn Barber? I feel for her. The boys at Ass Clown Media totally disrespected her, and she still thinks she's part of the team. Sure, if they need a maid. Look, you can be black and a Christian, but once you join their side, they will treat you like vermin.

Then there is the group I called the shit scared cowards, Dennis Miller, Roger L. Simon, Tammy Bruce. They were liberals when it was cool, then switched teams, thinking that would be cool. Their reason, fear of a brown planet. Only problem, it wasn't cool, and their former friends now mock them. They have to embrace the failed president and his reactionary ideas because there is nowhere else to go. They bluster, but will not confront liberals because they can't.

They shake and bluster and run their mouths, but that's it.

Peter Daou has a long piece on how blogs should work better with the Dems, but many liberals miss the point. On our side of the fence, we mobilize support, raise money and get the attention of the media and deal with the Dems on our terms. The right sees bloggers as junior partners, to do what they are told without question. We want to be seen as equals. Personally, I can live without central direction from the party.

But the point is that we fit in to the political world in different ways.

The difference is simple, while the right wails and whines about Daily Kos, they can't reproduce it, they can't tolerate disagreements while working for a common cause. They get angry when people don't go along with them. Notice the lack of comments and frequent bannings. Because their egos can't handle it. They suffer from a case of fragile ego disease.

Which is why so many freaked out over Brokeback Mountain. The idea of two gay cowboys posed a challenge to their own sense of machismo. I mean, I'm not going to see it because I don't see love stories and Jen likes sci-fi. Not an issue. But to NRO, you would have thought it was gay recruitment time from their reaction.

So all they can do is imagine the Turner Diaries coming to life , killing liberals instead of blacks, hanging them from the street lamps. Of course, that just feeds into their fantasies of omnipotence, imagining swatting their boss with a +9 power sword, as they do in an MMO or conquering imaginary Muslim foes like they do in Rainbow Six, when in reality, they're Melvin, the guy who eats tuna at his desk at lunch.

posted by Steve @ 3:00:00 AM

3:00:00 AM

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