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Comments by YACCS
Friday, December 30, 2005

It wasn't supposed to be like this


She left me for that? How could she?
"Wake up Bob, it's only a dream. You were
watching Skinimax last night"

My wife left me for a woman -- could I please have my divorce now?

I've been through hell for two and a half years, and I'd really like this marriage to be officially over!

By Cary Tennis
Print EmailFont: S / S+ / S++
story image

Dec. 23, 2005 | Dear Cary:

My wife left me almost two and a half years ago for a woman. After having worked through everything involving the infidelity, the gay issue, custody of our then 1-1/2-year-old daughter (although I'm not sure I'll ever be OK with that), etc., I'm ready to move on with my life.

We decided to go to a mediator, as neither of us was financially able to hire lawyers to take care of the divorce. The first year of mediation was rocky, as I felt I was getting the short end of the stick, and I was fighting for custody of my daughter. Time has cooled things out, and we are what you might call "amicable," although I don't really believe that's how things are. .........

She had an affair with a friend of her younger brother's, and she quickly moved in with her after I asked her to leave our house. They're still together and seemingly happy................ I've met the woman I should have met 10 years ago, and we bought a house together, closer to my daughter. .......

.............. Keep in mind, I was rolling along, assuming that life was all set. I was married, owned a house in a suburb, and had a wonderful daughter. ............... Obviously, she has some far deeper issues to deal with that she was never willing to address with me. Sexual abuse, abusive father masquerading as a caring, loving family man. That's not my problem anymore.

I don't have the money to hire a lawyer and file for me, but I'm considering just filling up a credit card and taking care of it that way. She always promises that we'll get it done, and it never happens. What should I do?


And here is Cary's best advice of 2005:

However, while at first I thought that if you could just come up with some clever way to get her to sign the final divorce papers you would be in the clear, the more I think about it, the more I think you probably ought to have a lawyer on your side. Because although people do tend to drag their feet when it comes to signing the final papers, something else may be going on. This woman has demonstrated that she is unpredictable and unreadable. She may just be dragging her feet, or she may be angling for some advantage that you cannot yet see. She may even be angling for an advantage that she cannot see!

So I think you need to protect yourself. A good lawyer would be able to poke around and see if there are any such future aggravations for you hidden in this agreement that she has not yet signed. And, presumably, that lawyer will be able to bring some pressure to bear on the situation so that this matter can be closed. That lawyer might also, in the process, suggest some things you may have agreed to which you might want to renegotiate from a position of relatively greater strength. After all, I notice that you are not happy with the custody provisions.

Just a thought. I understand that your main wish is to finish this quickly. I'm just thinking, since her recalcitrance prevents you from finishing it quickly anyway, you may want to reconsider some of the concessions you have already made.


i.e.:custody. You might want to rethink that, given the way she's restricted the visits and her infidelity.

posted by Steve @ 12:01:00 AM

12:01:00 AM

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