Page Six revenge

If she's on your list of women you've
slept with, you've done pretty good

September 23, 2005 -- SIENNA Miller must be t

hrilled that Kate Moss' life is going to hell in a Gucci handbag. Miller went thermonuclear when reports surfaced that before he nailed the nanny, her lover Jude Law had wild three-way sex with a coked-up Moss and his ex, Sadie Frost. Before she took him back, Miller forced Law to make a list of all the women he'd slept with — but he'd omitted Moss' name. Now the Daily Telegraph in London reports Burberry, which dropped Moss in the wake of the coke scandal, will likely hire Miller as her replacement. Miller has ordered Law to keep it in his pants and keep away from Frost and Moss, or else. Meanwhile, Moss' contract with cosmetics giant Rimmel will likely be torn up, insiders say, following in the footsteps of H&M and Chanel. And we're told Jefferson Hack, father of Moss' daughter, Lila Grace, is now pressing for sole custody. Of course, PAGE SIX readers saw this coming. Back in January, when Moss and smack-rocker Pete Doherty first hooked up, we quoted a Moss pal: "Kate's friends think this is a really bad idea. He's a bad influence. They're really worried about her daughter."

Why the fuck would she want to know that, besides the list being arm-length long, it just seems, well maschoistic.

You know that scene in Four Weddings and Funeral, where Hugh Grant asks Andie McDowell how many men she's slept with and he comes up with eight women and she comes up with 34 men. Not good. Or the scene in Clerks where Dante's girlfriend says she's slept with three guys, but blown 37. Didn't need to know that. Oh, and if women are wondering, blowing 37 guys is worse than fucking 37 guys. Really. Why? Don't know for sure. The images of parked cars and cheap sex come to mind.

There is NO profit for a man to EVER ask that question, because the number, being more than zero, will always be higher than you want to hear. It's not that men want to marry virgins, they decidedly don't, but they don't need the details. Men can live a happy life guessing about who women screw without confirmation.

Women, for some reason, want to know every detail, or at least enough details which are none of their fucking business. Like the name of every woman you've slept with.

At the extremes, you get a Maury Povich baby daddy situation. Where we're not talking about one of two guys, but 13 guys within a month.

Look, any guy dumb enough to ask that question will not like the answer, because, A: it's probably an undercount, B: any number sucks, C: do you really want to fill your pretty little mind with images of your current woman blowing her boss after the Christmas Party? Or her last vacation with a boyfriend. To St. Tropez? No. Fuck no. Ignorance can be bliss and this is one of those times.

See, in my understanding, women often leave out some one nighters, guys who turned out to be duds and other strays. Now, guys usually count everyone, women like to leave a few aside. Which, as Maury Povich shows two-three times a week, can be a problem.

"I swear he's the only one, the baby looks just like him"

"Peanut, you are not the father."

After running off the stage, they usually fall down and scream "no, no, no, it has to be him. The test is wrong."

Maury usually holds them and says "no it isn't."

It's bad enough that you don't know who your child's father is, but to be wrong on national TV? That's gotta suck.

So a threesome slipped his mind, shit happens. If she had minded her fucking business, she wouldn't have been upset. She just needs him to be faithful, not inspect his entire sexlife. But think about this for a minute. You have a threesome with a supermodel and you fucking forget? How the fuck do you forget a threesome with Kate Moss?

"Oh, sorry about that? Yeah, we did do that. Kinda slipped my mind."

What kind of sex life did this guy have? One doesn't forget that kind of thing. Trust me on that.

He's got to have a lot of women around to forget that one.

Some things, knowing doesn't help matters.

posted by Steve @ 1:53:00 AM