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Comments by YACCS
Sunday, November 28, 2004

Victim my ass

sometimes they play dirty

The Politics of Victimization

[Mel Gilles, who has worked for many years as an advocate for victims of domestic abuse, draws some parallels between her work and the reaction of many Democrats to the election.-- Mathew Gross]

Watch Dan Rather apologize for not getting his facts straight, humiliated before the eyes of America, voluntarily undermining his credibility and career of over thirty years. Observe Donna Brazille squirm as she is ridiculed by Bay Buchanan, and pronounced irrelevant and nearly non-existent. Listen as Donna and Nancy Pelosi and Senator Charles Schumer take to the airwaves saying that they have to go back to the drawing board and learn from their mistakes and try to be better, more likable, more appealing, have a stronger message, speak to morality. Watch them awkwardly quote the bible, trying to speak the new language of America. Surf the blogs, and read the comments of dismayed, discombobulated, confused individuals trying to figure out what they did wrong. Hear the cacophony of voices, crying out, “Why did they beat me?”

And then ask anyone who has ever worked in a domestic violence shelter if they have heard this before.

They will tell you, every single day.

The answer is quite simple. They beat us because they are abusers. We can call it hate. We can call it fear. We can say it is unfair. But we are looped into the cycle of violence, and we need to start calling the dominating side what they are: abusive. And we need to recognize that we are the victims of verbal, mental, and even, in the case of Iraq, physical violence.

As victims we can’t stop asking ourselves what we did wrong. We can’t seem to grasp that they will keep hitting us and beating us as long as we keep sticking around and asking ourselves what we are doing to deserve the beating.
First, you must admit you are a victim. Then, you must declare the state of affairs unacceptable. Next, you must promise to protect yourself and everyone around you that is being victimized. You don’t do this by responding to their demands, or becoming more like them, or engaging in logical conversation, or trying to persuade them that you are right. You also don’t do this by going catatonic and resigned, by closing up your ears and eyes and covering your head and submitting to the blows, figuring its over faster and hurts less is you don’t resist and fight back. Instead, you walk away. You find other folks like yourself, 56 million of them, who are hurting, broken, and beating themselves up. You tell them what you’ve learned, and that you aren’t going to take it anymore. You stand tall, with 56 million people at your side and behind you, and you look right into the eyes of the abuser and you tell him to go to hell. Then you walk out the door, taking the kids and gays and minorities with you, and you start a new life. The new life is hard. But it’s better than the abuse

And this is ridiculous twaddle.

I've seen this around for a while and ignored it, thinking people couldn't be as so stupid as to actually take this nonsense seriously.

First, Donna Brazile thinks Clarence Thomas is a good guy. Most black people wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire. And she's a freaking friend of the Buchanan family. Her and Bay are thick as fucking thieves.

Hasn't anyone noticed that if you judge politics by Beltway Bandit standards, this is what you get. Chuck Schumer is Senator for Life and has to actually bring home things for New York. So he can pontificate, he's got his job for another three terms. He won by a 50 point landslide.

Second, I guess Gross doesn't know any abused women. I do. The GOP didn't come into my home and say "I love you" and knock me up. I didn't decide that I needed a strong, aggressive man in my home, or that I didn't mind being lied to. I never trusted the GOP and I worked for them. So did my family. I always knew that they never had my best interests at heart.

This sort of pathetic appeal to victimhood is revolting on it's face and innaccurate as hell.

No, we're not victims, any more than when you play football and one side cheats their asses off. Having seen this for real, you're first stunned, then you appeal to the refs, then you figure out, one, they ARE going to cheat, two, the refs will NEVER call it, and three, you better protect your own ass and get your shots in.

I play in a fall football league and the first few years, we were sloppy, lazy, and got our asses handed to us. We used to get bad calls all the time. People used to cheat. Did the refs step in? Fuck no. They didn't do shit. Finally, we figured out that we better get our shots in and stick up for ourselves. You know, it only matters if you win.

You wanna be a victim, go fucking hide. Because you're useless, you've handed someone power over you. I don't believe for a second the GOP had power over me, treats me unfairly. They treat me the way they think is fair and acceptable. It is up to me to disagree and do something about it.

They play dirty, because that is what they do, no one will stop them unless we do. The media isn't going to save us. Appeals to fairness aren't going to save us.

So, do you know what we did? When they threw cheap shots, we threw cheap shots. When the refs missed calls, we told them. In short, we played like they did. And if people didn't like it, tough shit, they started it.

You know why we stopped bitching about the refs? Because it didn't do a damn bit of good. We had to figure out how to win.

Now, you can go along with Gross and feel sorry about the mean ol' GOP smacking the shit out of innocent little us, people who just want to do good, or you can say "fine, you wanna cheat? Fuck you. If those are the rules, then they're the rules and we'll play by them too."

It takes time to realize that you're playing dirty. You don't get it at first, or even second, It takes a while, because you think everyone is like you and has your values. You don't do cheap shots. You don't lie to the refs. But when you wake up and realize, well, this is football, then you start to find ways to win. Because once you know the rules, especially the unwritten ones, things become a lot easier.

You're no goddamn victim. You've just been in a game with people who will cheat to win.

posted by Steve @ 6:15:00 PM

6:15:00 PM

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